He Owed Her For That
by SawyersGirl4Ever
Summary: Set after Season 2 finale. Kate is hurt after being captured by the Others. As Sawyer tries to help her, he remembers how much she has helped him. Sawyer’s POV of how his and Kate’s feelings for each other developed.
1. Chapter 1

**He Owed Her For That**

Title: He Owed Her For That

Rating: PG13

Pairing: Sawyer/Kate

Summary: Set after Season 2 finale. Kate is hurt after being captured by the Others. As Sawyer tries to help her, he remembers how much she has helped him. Sawyer's POV of how his and Kate's feelings for each other developed.

Warnings: Language, violence, romance

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Lost, or the characters, but I wish I did! They all belong to ABC, J.J. Abrams, and Damon Lindelof.

Author's Note: This is my first fic, so please review and let me know what you think.

--------------------------------------

**Chapter 1**

As he cradled her there in his arms, blood draining from her body, her face getting paler by the second, he knew he had to help her. Even if he refused to believe it in his head, those bastards had shot the only person he had ever loved, the one person who truly loved him, and he was damn well going to survive and get her out of here. Even if it meant taking her to Jack. He really didn't want her around him, what with the Doc always chastising her for her actions and looking at her like she wasn't good enough for him.

And he knew that Jack would find a way to blame all this on him. He always did. Hell, it probably was his fault anyway…

--------------------------------------

After the three of them were captured by the Others, they had been locked together in one room for three days. The room was small and dank. There were no windows, and the walls and floors were gray cement. They each were chained to a different wall. Each of them had a small mattress within reach. They each had their own little porta-potty, the kind you use for camping, with a shower curtain surrounding it that they could pull shut so they could have a little bit of privacy. "Now ain't that real cozy," Sawyer said sarcastically at the sight of it.

A woman came in first thing each morning with breakfast. Then later in the afternoon, a man brought dinner. No matter what questions they asked, no one ever said a word to them when they came in. They had no idea why they were here.

On the third day, instead of bringing dinner, the man who came in told Kate to choose between Jack and Sawyer. "Pick one of them," he said. "Now."

"What?" she asked confused.

"If you don't pick one, then I'll do it for you, and you won't like how I do it," he said gruffly.

Her head was spinning. She didn't know why she was choosing, what they were going to do with the one she chose, or with the one she didn't. But she made her choice. And she had chosen Sawyer. And they had let Jack go. He was free to leave the Other's camp and go back to their own. He was told never to return.

Kate and Sawyer were not taken back to the room they had been in. When they got to the new room, the men who had been leading them undid the ties on their wrists and pushed them inside, then shut and locked the door. There were no windows and it was completely dark. They both felt along the wall for a light switch. Kate found it and flipped it on. The sight they saw then was unbelievable! Except for the fact there were no windows, and it was small, it looked like it could have been the honeymoon suite at the Ritz Carlton. There was carpet on the floor and flowered wallpaper on the walls. There was a canopy bed in one corner, with fluffy pillows and plush bedding. There were two high back chairs at the table in another corner which was set for two, with a red rose in a vase in the center. In the third corner, instead of the infamous porta-potty with the shower curtain surrounding it, there was a small doorway which led to a real toilet, sink, and a shower stall. Kate was speechless as she walked around the room.

Sawyer climbed up onto the bed. "Well Freckles, I think someone is tryin' to tell us something." He smiled as he lay on his side propped up on his elbow, and patted the bed in front of him.

"Don't be crazy Sawyer. You know they're watching us… somehow." Kate surveyed the room, trying to find some kind of camera.

Sawyer sighed. "Ah, well, voyeurism is overrated anyway," he said, resigning himself to the fact that despite all the luxuries here, Kate was going to remain a lady.

Later that night, after they had eaten their dinner, which consisted of lobster and filet mignon, a bottle of wine, and chocolate mousse, each had taken a shower. Even though they had to put their dirty clothes back on, a shower still felt nice. They climbed into the bed and came up with a plan to escape first thing in the morning when the woman brought their breakfast. When their plan was set, Kate rolled over and faced the wall. Sawyer had trouble getting comfortable being that close to her but not touching her. "So Freckles, are ya sure you don't …." Sawyer began.

"Good night, Sawyer," Kate interrupted. She turned over to him and gave him a light kiss on the cheek. Then she cuddled up to him and put her arm across his chest. He put his arm around her and held her close.

_This is good enough for now_, he thought happily, as they both drifted off to sleep.

----------------------------------------

Author's Note: That's all for now. I'll post Chapter 2 soon. Please read and review. Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed my first chapter, and to everyone who read my first chapter even if you didn't review. I hope you liked it, and I hope you like Chapter 2. So here goes... **

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 2**

They were both still in bed when they heard footsteps in the hallway. Kate jumped up and stood behind the door, and Sawyer hurried over and stood on the other side. When the door opened, Kate grabbed the doorknob and swung it back, then forward as hard as she could, knocking out the woman who had been bringing in their breakfast. Luckily she was alone as she had been the other mornings, and Sawyer grabbed Kate's hand and they stepped over the woman's body and ran down the hall. Just as they got to the door at the end of the hallway, a man's voice behind them yelled "Stop now and no one will get hurt!" Sawyer tried to open the door, but it was locked, and Kate turned to look behind them. Immediately a shot rang out, and Kate slumped over against Sawyer. He kicked the door open and picked her up and ran out into the jungle.

Two men followed them out the door, but didn't continue the chase into the jungle. Sawyer heard one of them say "She's no good to us now."

When he thought he was far enough away, he stopped where they could be hidden by an overhang and lowered Kate to the ground. She was conscious, but weak. He took out a bandana that he had in his pocket and pressed it against the wound on her chest. "Sawyer….what… what happened?"

"Shhh… don't try to talk. You've been shot. We need to get you to Jack." He raised her head and shoulders up against him. "I don't think they're following us anymore. Do you think you can walk?" She nodded and tried to move, but made it only a few inches before her head fell back against his legs and her eyes closed. _Dammit_. He touched her face, and her eyes fluttered open. He pulled her up so she was standing. "Come on Freckles, we're off to see the wizard."

He knew Jack would be able to fix her. He was the hero. He could fix anything and anyone, as long as it wasn't already too late, like it had been for Boone and Shannon. So he needed to get her home quickly, before it was too late.

_Home_, he thought. He had never thought of this island, or the hatch, as home. But since they'd been here about two months and there didn't seem to be any chance of rescue, he figured he better start making it a home. If they survived this, that is. She was slumped against him now, and he didn't think she could walk at all. So he picked her up from under the arms as you would pick up a child, and put her arms around his neck and her head on his shoulder. He helped her wrap her legs around his waist and he put his right arm around her back and carefully put his left arm under her buttocks to help hold her there. She was pretty much out of it or she'd have slapped his arm away at that little move. A small smile crossed his lips at the thought of that. _We will survive this_, _we have to_. She had chosen him over Jack. Now he had something to live for, and he wasn't about to let it go.

He walked as quickly as he could through the jungle, hoping he was on the right path. He never had been good at tracking and he wasn't sure he was going the right way to get to the hatch. If she was awake she would have told him how to get there. She could find a trail better than anyone on the island. But she wasn't conscious enough to help him now. So he had to let his instincts guide him. As he walked he thought back to the crash….

-----------------------

He remembered the second day they were on this god-forsaken island, she had stepped in and helped break up a fight between him and Sayid. That fight surely would have ended in someone's death, probably his own, at the hands of the trained torturer had they been allowed to keep fighting. He owed her for that.

When she, Sayid, Boone, Shannon, and Charlie had gone off to find higher ground to see if the transceiver would work, he decided to join them. He didn't know why, but he was drawn to her for some reason. As he grabbed her hand to help her up the steep mountain, he had felt… something…. He wasn't sure what, but it was something different than he'd ever felt before. He felt a connection, more than just their sweaty dirt-stained hands touching as they climbed the cliff. He owed her for that.

And when the brush started rustling and they heard growling and movement towards them, everyone had started running. Everyone except him. He stood there to face it, whatever it was going to turn out to be. What did he have to live for? He didn't care. And as he stood there, pulling out the gun he had found on the US Marshal, aiming it at whatever was charging at him, he heard her yell his name from the distance, "Sawyer!". She had later told him how she tried to turn back for him, but Sayid wouldn't let her. But she had tried. He owed her for that.

After shooting what turned out to be a polar bear, everyone wanted to know where he got the gun. She had grabbed it out of the back of his pants and pointed it at him. He remembered thinking _go ahead, shoot me_. But he knew she wouldn't, she couldn't. Sayid told her how to eject the magazine from the grip, and as she handed it back to him, he grabbed her arm and pulled her close. Even in that tense situation, he had felt that connection again. He owed her for that.

As they were walking back to the beach, Sayid said they should make camp for the night, but he didn't want to stay. When he had pulled out the gun and tried to get the clip back so he could go back alone, she had told him to put his gun back in his pants. He knew that was a metaphor for something else that he intended to discuss with her at a later time. But she had convinced him to stay and make camp with them because of the "monster" that could have attacked him if he had walked through the jungle alone at night. _She cared about me even back then_. He owed her for that.

He remembered how, as they all sat around the campfire that night discussing how the plane went off course and the radio transmission by the French chick, he'd looked at her discreetly, many times, and noticed the trail of freckles across her nose and cheeks. It was the first time he had called her by the nickname he gave her, and it just stuck. She later said she liked it when he called her Freckles. He owed her for that.

He remembered the following night when they had found boars in the fuselage of the plane. They all ran and she had run straight into his arms, by accident of course, but she stayed there for a few minutes after the boars had run away and the commotion had died down. He felt like he had protected her. It was nice to feel needed. He owed her for that.

------------------------

And she needed him now more than ever. He stopped walking and looked around. He spotted something about 10 yards away. He walked over to it and realized it was one of their backpacks from the day they were kidnapped. _So we must be on the right track. Damn, I'm gettin' better at this_, he thought. He picked up the backpack and put it on his shoulder. The trees were dense and even though it was about midday, it was hard to see where he was going. His arms were numb from holding her and his legs were unstable, but there was no way in hell he was giving up. He shifted Kate to his other hip carefully. She moaned as he did so. "Sorry Freckles," he whispered, hoping he hadn't put her in any more pain than she was already feeling. He glanced down at her face, her eyes closed, and planted a quick kiss on the top of her head. Then he began walking again, still hoping he really _was_ getting better at this and _was_ on the right path.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Is Sawyer on the right path? Will he get Kate back to Jack in time? Stay tuned to find out! **

**Please read and review. Thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. Now on to the next chapter...**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 3**

As he hurried along, he remembered being worried about her when she went into the jungle with Locke and Michael hunting the boar. But he couldn't let her know that. And somehow he knew she could take care of herself. So he had made a sarcastic remark when she came back, to which she responded with a flip answer and walked away. Yes, she could certainly take care of herself.

--------------

But she couldn't take care of herself now. He had to take care of her. He needed to get her back to the hatch, to Jack, so he could get the bullet out and get some antibiotics into her. _Get the bullet out_, he thought, _I could get the bullet out_… He remembered getting the bullet out of his own shoulder with his own fingers, but he didn't dare try to do that with Kate. He remembered the pain he was in when he did that, and he didn't want to hurt her any more. Besides, he had been in the water, which helped with the wound, and there was no water around here to wash it out with. This thought of water reminded him that they hadn't had anything to drink since last night, and were both really dehydrated.

He stopped near a large tree, and leaning forward so that Kate's back was against it, he carefully took off the backpack and checked to see if there was any water in it. There was one bottle and he took it out. "Hey Freckles," he said. "I got some water here. You need to drink something." He leaned back so he could see her face. As he did, he could also see that the blood from the bullet wound in her chest had completely soaked her shirt as well as his. He held her face up to try to get her to take a few sips. She moaned and opened her eyes slightly. Seeing her eyes again brightened his own, and he smiled. "Hi baby," he whispered. "Here, drink." He tipped the bottle toward her lips. Her eyes closed again, but she slowly parted her lips enough that he could put the bottle there and he tilted it gradually to allow a small trickle of water into her mouth. He got a little bit into her before she passed out. He then drank a few sips, and saved the rest for later. After putting the bottle in the backpack and putting it over his shoulder, he pulled Kate back towards his chest and continued walking.

-------------

Still thinking about water, he remembered their first "tackle". It was when she and Sayid thought he had stolen all the camp's water. Why everyone always thought he was a thief, he couldn't understand. Ok, well, yes he could. He had looted just about everything from the fuselage and from the unclaimed suitcases. And if she wanted to think that and tackle him, who was he to complain? Especially when the tackle reminded him of a birthday wish he had made four years ago…

Sitting alone, one night in a bar in Tallahassee, he had spied a cute little brunette on the other side of the room. He was feeling dejected after a con in which the husband had caught onto him, and the wife, in order to convince her husband there was nothing going on, had simply told him to go to hell. Since it was his birthday, they were supposed to celebrate after the scam, but instead, she was home with her husband and he was there alone. He had wished he had the courage to go talk to the brunette, ask her to come home with him, make him feel worthy of her, but before he could drink enough for that, she had slipped out unnoticed.

For some reason during this tackle, with Freckles on top of him, and then after rolling her over, he on top of her, she reminded him of the brunette in the bar. And knowing that he really didn't steal the water, he felt worthy of her. He owed her for that.

He remembered the day Jack found fresh water at the caves. He had tried to convince everyone that it would be better to live in the shelter of the caves than on the beach. But she wouldn't have it. She wanted to stay on the beach, just in case rescue showed up. She looked so beautiful sitting there on the beach, staring out at the ocean, the breeze blowing her curls around. She had later told him that she fell in love with his dimples that day, as he faced her, trying to read her mind about the caves vs. the beach. Neither had answered the other's question about where they were going to stay, but they both knew. It was all in their eyes, their non-verbal connection. He owed her for that.

When the time came and Jack had packed all his belongings and the medical supplies to move to the caves, Sawyer decided he was going to take over Jack's shelter on the beach. As he brought in his suitcases, Jack was preparing to leave, and trying to convince Kate to go with him. She refused. He owed her for that.

After dropping his suitcases, he looked at Kate and told the doc he'd like to find someone to share his new living quarters with. She showed no expression towards him for that remark, but he could read it in her eyes, and he knew she'd soon come around to his way of thinking. He owed her for that.

Later that day she had come to him for a laptop battery for the transceiver that she and Sayid were planning on trying to use to find the source of the French chick's transmission. She had called him a parasite, said he was always taking, never giving. _She didn't know, but I would have given her anything she wanted_, Sawyer thought now. He went with her and Sayid to triangulate the antennas, and when Sayid was getting ready to leave to put up his antenna, he had told Kate how he didn't trust him alone with her. _Didn't trust me, bullpuckey, I would never do anything to hurt her_. But she had gotten angry with him when he failed to mention that Saint Jack had been buried in a cave-in. She had run off, straight to the caves, to Jack. That made him realize that he was going to have to earn her respect. He owed her for that.

---------

_Maybe this island can have two heroes. If I can get her back to Jack, then he'll fix her up good as new_, he thought as he trudged through the jungle. Even though she was small, her weight was becoming increasingly heavier. His arms, legs, back, everything ached. He kept moving, but it was more difficult now. At least the trees were thinning out a little. Still, nothing looked familiar. He hoped he was almost to the hatch.

---------

_Earn her respect….. well, it wasn't going to happen this way_…. He remembered seeing her standing there on the beach as she picked up the book he'd been reading before deciding to skinny dip in the early morning tide. As he walked up to her, she had looked him up and down, taking in the sight of his naked body, and he knew she wanted him. He also knew she wasn't going to admit it. So he had made some stupid comment and she just walked off. She was really going to make him work for what he wanted. He owed her for that.

She later told him that she had denied to Jack that she felt any type of connection with him. But because of the connection that she really does feel, she had come to him to ask for Shannon's inhalers that they all assumed he had. Again with them thinking he was a thief. This was getting old. She had asked him what he wanted for the inhalers. _What the hell_, he had thought at the time, _let's see what I can get_. So he had asked for a kiss. She called him disgusting, but she could see through his cover, and he knew she felt the same connection with him as he did with her. They were two of a kind. Good and bad. Fighting to see which would win out. But instead of telling her the truth, he showed her the letter, the one that he had carried around with him for over 25 years, and let her believe that he really was as bad as everyone thought. When he again asked her for a kiss, she had refused to look at him. Damn, he needed to stop doing this to himself. He never let people into his life, no matter how much he wanted them to be.

When he refused to tell Jack and Sayid where the inhalers that he didn't have were, they decided torture was the best thing to make him tell. Pain, he could handle pain, he'd done it all his life. But when Sayid threatened to cut out his eye, the thought of not seeing Freckles again had made him change his mind. He said he'd only tell her.

When she came to him, and he saw the look in her eyes, he knew all the pain had been worth it. He still had to beg for that kiss, but when she said "okay", that was music to his ears. And oh what a kiss! He had asked for a simple kiss, and he thought that's all he was going to get. Hell, if the situation were reversed, that's all he would have done, a short peck on the lips, and been done with it, just to get back at her. Revenge. Revenge was always on his mind. But when she leaned in, looking at him with such empathy, and then lightly touching his lips with hers, an electric shock went through his body worse than the torture he'd just experienced. She pulled back slightly, and he knew she felt it too. Then she parted her lips and leaned forward again, forcing her mouth onto his, full and wide open, allowing his tongue inside to dance with hers, slowly at first, then with all the strength he still had, and while still being tied to a tree. For a split second she pulled away again, and then slid her tongue between his waiting lips, and together they lingered there, until she broke away, this time completely. He licked his lips, still tasting her. They each took a few seconds to catch their breath, and then their eyes met, and that was all it took. Their connection was confirmed. And although he'd continue to deny it, publicly and to himself, it was useless. She was a part of him, and he a part of her now. He owed her for that.

Of course, when he told her he didn't have the inhalers after all, and she had punched him in the jaw and then walked away… Well, it was still worth it. And the look on her face as she leaned over him and held him down so Jack could keep his artery from bleeding out after Sayid stabbed him in the arm …. It was worth it. When he woke up, his arm bandaged, and saw her sitting there, watching over him…. It was worth it. And when she, being the smart woman he knew she was, realized that the letter had not been written _to_ him, but had been written _by _him back in 1976, and he'd been forced to explain it to her, he could tell she felt sorry for him, and he had pushed her away. But he knew she'd be back. He owed her for that.

---------

Suddenly Sawyer was brought back to reality as he stumbled over a tree root and nearly dropped Kate. "Son of a bitch!" he screamed, staggering, bumping into a tree. He backed up to the tree and slid down to the ground, still holding Kate. She moaned quietly and he knew she was fading. He brushed her hair off her face. _So beautiful_.

He wondered how much further it was to the hatch, or if he was even going the right way. He really wished he'd been paying more attention to her words than her ass when she tried to teach him about tracking as they were looking for the boar that had run off with his tarp one time.

He looked around nervously. It was starting to get dark. She'd been shot about 8 hours ago. She couldn't hold on much longer. He still wasn't completely sure he'd been going in the right direction all day, and as he took this quick rest, he could only think of one thing to do. Something he hadn't done since before his parents died.

He held Kate close and whispered, "Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." He looked upward. "And please let your will be that Freckles here doesn't die. She might have done some bad things, but it was for good reasons. You know that. Hell, sorry, I mean heck, you see everything, so you know." He felt so strange praying, it had been so long since he'd even thought of God. But it was something he felt he had to do now. For Freckles. Even though it was coming from someone like him, he hoped God was listening.

Before getting up, he decided to get out the water again and try to make her drink a bit. He laid her back slightly, and as he slowly poured some water into her mouth, he felt her forehead with his other hand. She was burning up with fever. _Dammit!_ He knew he had to get her to Jack soon. He put the bottle away, and carefully stood up with her in his arms. With a renewed strength and will to save her, he began running.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note: Some of our other favorite characters will make appearances in the next chapter. And he's got to be almost to the hatch, right? **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. **

**Here's chapter 4 with a few more of Sawyer's memories. I hope that part isn't too boring, basically recapping what happened in the show, pretty much in order, but with Sawyer's opinions. I just thought that it showed that Sawyer and Kate have had this "connection" since the very beginning of the show, even though it is sometimes very subtle. Hopefully the real Lost writers will continue with it in season 3. (Since of course I don't own any of them!) **

**Ok, on to the chapter. I don't want to give it away, but Sawyer _finally _gets some help getting Kate to the hatch!**

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 4**

As he ran, more memories flooded his head…

She had "invited" him to the golf course that Hurley had built. He wasn't all that excited about watching the doc play golf, but he decided to show up after all. When he arrived, bets were already on the table. He bet some sunscreen and a flashlight that Jack choked, and when she said she'd take that action, he knew that was a metaphor for another kind of action she'd like. He smiled now at the thought. He owed her for that.

He remembered the time he secretly followed her out into the jungle one day after Claire had been kidnapped, to protect her he told himself, but when she caught him, she had insisted she didn't need protecting. As they came to a clearing, they had found the most beautiful waterfall and taken a playful swim. It was fun until they found the dead bodies. And the case. She wanted the case but refused to tell him what was in it, and she had let him take it back to camp. But that night while he was sleeping, she had come to his tent to try to steal it. Because he had her all figured out, he knew she would do that. That's why he held it safely between his legs as he slept. And as she reached for the handle to pull the case out, he grabbed her arms and pulled her down on top of him. He had made another stupid comment and she'd head-butted him. But it was worth it, just having her there at all. He owed her for that.

The next day as he was up in a tree, trying Michael's suggestion of impact velocity to open the case, he saw her come over and grab it as it hit the ground. She took off running and he climbed down and ran after her. The chase ended in another tackle. Oh how he loved those tackles! And he could tell she did too. _Why else would she keep lettin' me get her in that position?_ He owed her for that.

But she still refused to tell him what was in the case, and he had walked away with it. _I should have just given it to her,_ he thought. Then Jackass wouldn't have gotten his hands on it, and made her feel bad about the toy plane she kept for some sentimental reason. He didn't understand women when it came to things like that. And he still didn't know why it meant so much to her, but he knew she'd tell him when she was ready.

He remembered the time she and Charlie had come to him looking for Claire's diary. _Something goes missing and they always assume it's me that's got it_. Only this time they were right. But he hadn't read it, and she believed him when he told her so. He owed her for that.

He remembered when they were going out to catch Ethan. Kate had wanted to come, and Jack didn't want her to. He had an extra gun and offered it to her. Of course he was worried about her, but if the lady wanted to come along, he wasn't going to try and stop her. She was a strong woman and it was her decision to make, not anyone else's.

She had teased him about the boar wrecking his tent and taking his tarp. Told him he was going to get lost when he went looking for it. She denied that she cared, but her smile and the look in her eyes as she said it, betrayed her words. He owed her for that.

------------------------------------

He was really getting tired now. He'd been carrying her and moving through the jungle most of the day. As he slowed down, the brush under his feet wasn't rustling as much, and he thought he could hear running water. Moving toward the sound, he came to the edge of the treeline, and there it was, "their" waterfall. Finally, something he recognized. Now that he knew where he was, he could surely get to the hatch.

As he turned in what he now knew to be the correct direction, he saw Charlie and Claire sitting on the rocks. He let out a long, tired, relieved sigh. "Hey! Charlie!" he yelled.

They turned and looked at him. Seeing him standing there holding Kate, Claire and Charlie both jumped up from what looked like a picnic and ran over to them. "Oh my God!" Claire exclaimed when she saw all the blood. "Is she…..she isn't…?" Claire couldn't get the word out.

"No, she's not dead," Sawyer said. "Not yet. Not if I have anything to do about it. But we need to get her to Jack NOW!" Claire could tell how worried Sawyer looked. She'd never seen him show so much emotion toward anyone.

"Come on then," Charlie said, reaching out to try to take Kate from Sawyer. Sawyer shook his head. "But you're exhausted. Let me carry her for a while." Charlie held his arms out.

"No, I got her. Let's just go." Sawyer refused to let go of her.

Claire grabbed the backpack off his shoulder and they started off to the hatch, Charlie going first, then Sawyer and Kate, and Claire bringing up the rear. Charlie thought about asking what happened, but he knew Sawyer was too tired to talk, so he didn't bring it up.

--------------------------------------

When he realized she'd been following him for a few hours as he was trying to track the boar, that was just another confirmation that she did care about him. He thought about her request for carte blanche, and even though he'd deny it, she already had it. He knew he'd give her anything she wanted, any time she wanted, but because he was Sawyer, not without trying to get something out of her first. So he agreed and let her help him track the boar.

By night time, when they hadn't found the boar yet, they decided to make camp. He had made a fire and they sat down by it. When he had pulled out a little bottle of liquor and had blackmailed her into playing the "I Never" game because technically she didn't have carte blanche yet, he hadn't realized how it would end. They had both told the truth for a change, finding out a lot about each other, some really important information. And he made a mental note now that when she was better, they would play again. Because now, one of his answers would be different. He owed her for that.

In the morning when they discovered that the boar had trashed his stuff, but not touched hers, he thought the smug look on her face was really cute. And she had caught on to the fact that he wore cologne, even if it was something he found in an abandoned suitcase, not his fragrance at all. _Damn, nothing gets past this woman_!

When they found the baby boar, she had kicked him for using the piglet to try to lure out the daddy. Thinking back now, he realized that he deserved it. He deserved that and everything else bad that had ever happened to him.

--------------------------------------

And he deserved to be the one shot now, not her. He wished he could take away her pain. When the hatch was in sight, Claire ran ahead of Charlie and up to the side of the cliff where the door was. She held it open for them to go in. "Jack!" Charlie yelled. He ran down the hallway and found Jack and Locke sitting at the table playing backgammon. Charlie was out of breath, and he collapsed on the couch.

"Damn good thing I didn't let you carry her Chucky," Sawyer said dryly as he saw him there.

Jack looked up just as Sawyer came around the corner with Kate. "Sawyer, Kate… What the hell happened?"

Sawyer took Kate straight to the bunk bed and laid her down. "She's been shot Doc. You gotta help her."

Jack jumped up and went straight into doctor mode. "John, get my medical bag. Charlie, get some towels. Charlie? Charlie! Towels!"

"I'm on it."

"Claire, start the shower and help me get her clothes off. Sawyer, why don't you sit down and rest."

"No way, I ain't losin' sight of her Doc."

"Yeah, I didn't figure you were. So tell me what happened."

"What do you think happened genius? For a doctor you ain't very smart. She got _shot_!"

"Sawyer, you need to calm down. Tell me how. How close was the gun to her? What direction was she facing? How long ago did it happen?"

"You're the doctor, can't you tell?" Sawyer said in his usual smart-ass tone. Then he realized the better he explained, the easier it would be for Jack to treat her. "She got shot in the chest. So she was facing the gun. The guy was about 10 yards away. It happened this morning, 'bout 8:00 I guess."

"Ok, the bullet didn't go all the way through. From the sounds she's making as she breathes, it missed her lung."

"The shower's ready," Claire said.

Sawyer helped Jack lift Kate up and held her between them as they moved toward the shower. Claire followed taking off Kate's shirt. Sawyer winced when he first saw the uncovered wound, but after the water washed off some of the blood, it didn't look quite so bad.

While they were in the shower, Charlie put some towels on the bed, and a bedside table, and Locke took some of the medical supplies out of his bag that he thought Jack would need and put them on the table.

After they got her back to the bed, Jack took some alcohol and cleansed the wound. Then he picked up a scalpel and tweezers. "Sawyer, you might not want to watch this."

"I'm watchin' Doc," Sawyer growled.

Jack turned to Kate and made a small incision. Then he began removing the bullet.

Charlie, Claire and John were sitting at the table, waiting. "Do you think we should go get Sun?" Charlie asked. "I mean, she knows things about medicine, herbs. Maybe she can make something to help Kate."

"Let's just wait and see what Jack needs," John said.

A tear rolled down Claire's cheek. Then another. Before she could control it, she was openly sobbing. "Why would someone shoot her?" she cried.

"We don't know why these 'Others' do what they do," Locke explained. "But I would like to find out."

Charlie put his arm around her and pulled her to him. "Shhhh, she'll be ok. Jack will make sure of it," Charlie whispered. Claire didn't respond, just buried her head against Charlie's chest.

Sawyer held Kate's hand in both of his hands as Jack worked on her. "Why's she so cold, Doc?"

"She's lost a lot of blood, Sawyer," Jack said, as if it should have been obvious. He had managed to get the bullet out and dropped it and the tweezers on the table. "As soon as I sew up and bandage the wound, I'll get some antibiotics into her to fight the infection. Then dress her and cover her up with two or three blankets to get her body temperature back up. I don't think the bullet damaged any organs, so she should be fine in a few days. It's just a good thing you got back here when you did. She's a lot better off than you were when Eko brought you in."

As he watched Jack finish up with the wound, he thought back……

------------------------------------

He remembered the time Kate made him go to Jack when he was having headaches. She had mentioned it to Jack on her own, and Jack had come to talk to him about it, but he had refused to be checked out until she forced him to go. He smiled now, _yes,_ _she cared about me then too_. He owed her for that.

And when Boone had been hurt, she came to him to get all the alcohol he had, and she didn't even have to use her carte blanche card. He willingly gave it to her. _Damn, I'm gettin' soft_. He owed her for that.

Well, he wasn't all that soft. The time she had threatened to take his spot on the raft, he had outed her to everyone as the prisoner that the marshal had been taking back to the states. He never should have done that, but she had cornered him and he did what he had to. He realized now that he'd really been a jerk to her at times.

And when she asked why it was so important that he be on the raft, he had told her that there wasn't anything on the island worth staying for. _Goddamn biggest lie I've ever told in my life_. She was worth staying for, more than anything, but he was too stubborn to admit it. He regretted that now. But she was also too stubborn to ask him to stay. But if she had asked, he wouldn't have had to think for a second. He owed her for that.

The next day when it was time for the raft to set sail, he had looked around for her, but she had already left with Jack and Company to go looking for the dynamite to blow open the hatch door. He didn't get to say goodbye to her, but that was probably for the best. He wasn't very good at goodbyes.

---------------------------------------

And he wasn't about to say goodbye to her now. He was sitting in a chair beside the bed. Jack had gone out to let Claire, Charlie and Locke know that she'll be okay and they can stop worrying. But he wasn't going to stop worrying until she was up and teasing him and climbing trees in the jungle again. Of course, he couldn't let her know that. He had to be strong for her. He held her hand and smoothed her hair off her face.

She looked like an angel. He suddenly remembered his earlier prayer. He looked up into space for a second, smiled and nodded his head, and whispered, "Thanks."

Then he began talking to the sleeping Kate. "You had me worried for a while there, Freckles. I didn't know if I'd get you back here in time. But I did, and it looks like Saint Jack pulled off another one. Fixed you up, just like new. You're gonna be fine, Freckles. And when you wake up, things are gonna be different. We've wasted too much time already. I don't want us to spend any more time apart. You and me, Freckles, we belong together."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Wow, he's finally realizing that! **

**Please read and review. Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed again. This one has a lot of Sawyer's memories, but he's starting to understand his feelings now.**

**So here you go…**

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 5**

As she laid there sleeping, Sawyer talked up a storm. "Ya know Freckles, when I was on the raft, I looked through the notes that people wrote and put in that bottle. Walt told me I shouldn't be doing that, but I needed to see if you wrote one. But you didn't, did ya? I didn't either. Didn't have anyone to write one to at the time. But if I could do it again, I'd write one to you. Tell you everything… 'bout how I feel, what I want. Things I never told anybody before. Things I never wanted anyone to know. But I realized now that I want you to know."

This situation had all made him come to grips with his feelings. Despite all the times he'd pushed them out of his head, he was going to have to admit them to himself now. He owed her for that.

"When Zeke and his buddies shot me, all I could think about was that I didn't say goodbye to you. When we left on the raft, I was sure we'd find rescue and then come back to get everybody here, and I'd see you again. That's the only reason I went. To get us rescued. You were right when you said there's no one I miss and no one misses me back in the real world, cuz there ain't. But when I wasn't here with you, I sure missed ya Freckles. I know I'm not good at showin' it. But you make me want to be better. And I know I keep slippin' up. Can't do it overnight ya know."

"But I guess I done some good things. Hell, I got shot because they were tryin' to take Walt, which they did anyway, but when Mikey fell into the water, shot and all, I still got him back up on a piece of the raft cuz he don't know how to swim. I dug the friggin' bullet out of my shoulder with my fingers ya know. I almost did that with your bullet, but I didn't want you in that much pain. It hurt like hell baby. But I'm used to pain. I just needed to live to see you again." He smiled at her and held her hand up and kissed it lightly.

He continued talking to her as if she could hear him. "And did I tell you I almost got eaten by a shark? Big mother-fucker it was. Mikey shot it before it got me though. Guess you figured that, I'm still here ain't I? And in the morning when we saw we had drifted back here, to the island, we realized we were home. Didn't think I'd ever call a place like this home. But anywhere you are Freckles, that'll be home." He owed her for that.

"When we got on shore, Jin was already there and came running up to us, and before I knew what was happenin', good ol' Mr. Eko done hit me with his Jesus stick. Knocked me out cold. When I woke up, I was in a pit. Little while later, they threw in Rambina. Made us think she was a prisoner too. Till she stole my gun, and left. Guess they discussed it and decided we were on their team, and they let us out. Made our way back here. Somewhere along the way I passed out. Missed the whole shootout, Blondie gettin' killed."

"Next thing I know, I'm waking up here." Looking away from Kate for the first time, he looked up at the top bunk, smiling. "In a friggin' bunk bed. Sweetheart, I tell ya, I really thought we were saved when I saw this. That reminds me, I still wanna know who the hell Wayne is, but you can tell me when you're ready. No hurry. And seein' your beautiful smiling face when I woke up…. Can't beat that. And I'm gonna wake up to your face every day from now on. I ain't lettin' you get away again, Freckles. I can't. Not now."

-------------------------------------------

He rubbed the back of his hand against Kate's cheek. She was feeling warmer now. Still, he pulled the blankets up higher and tucked them under her chin.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! _Damn button._ It didn't beep long, so he figured someone must have entered the code right away.

Jack came in with a bowl of soup and a bottle of water. Sawyer saw it and, turning back to look at Kate, he said, "She's still sleeping. Won't be able to eat yet."

"It's not for her, it's for you," said Jack. "You need to keep up your strength, for her. You carried her all that way and haven't had anything to eat all day."

"Sorry Doc, but I don't want anything."

"Sawyer, she's going to be okay. You got her here in time. The bullet didn't hit any major organs. She's really going to be fine. She'll probably wake up tomorrow. We just have to let the antibiotics work for a while." He put the soup and water on the table, then checked the bandage, and felt her forehead. "Feels like her fever's down some." He picked up her hand, the one that Sawyer wasn't holding. "She's warmer now too. Just make sure she stays warm. She'll be fine." Jack patted Sawyer on the back and walked toward the door.

Sawyer sighed. "Hey, Doc."

Jack stopped and turned back around. "Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Jack smiled and nodded, and turned the light off and shut the door as he left the room.

Sawyer looked around. It finally hit him. He _was_ tired. Besides the top bunk, which didn't look too sturdy and he didn't want it falling down on top of Kate, there wasn't anywhere else to sleep except…. So he stood up and stripped down to his boxers. Then he carefully climbed onto the bed down by Kate's feet, and slowly crawled up on the other side of her. He slid in under the covers and curled his body up close to hers.

Showing his dimpled smile, he whispered, "Gotta keep you warm. Doctor's orders." He kissed her cheek. "Goodnight, Freckles." Almost immediately he was asleep and dreaming…

-----------------------------------------

She had told him he needed a haircut. He agreed, but only if she'd cut it for him. She didn't put up any argument. He knew she wanted an excuse to touch him as much as he wanted one for her to. She was grinning from ear to ear when he was admiring her completed work in the mirror. And when Jack interrupted to give him his medication, she had instinctively moved closer to Sawyer, still grinning. He owed her for that.

He remembered the morning she had given him her hand to help him out of his seat so they could go get his bandages changed, and when he stood up, their eyes met, and for a moment, there was no one else in the world. They stared at each other for a few seconds and he saw in her eyes that she wanted so badly to kiss him, but she'd controlled herself, resisted the urge, and led him off to the hatch. _Damn frustrating woman!_

When Jack had told Kate she couldn't go on the hike with Locke and them to look for Michael, he had wanted to punch his lights out. She could handle a gun and track, who better to help them? But he knew with his wound still fresh, he would've ended up hurt more, and probably pissed her off for trying to fight her battles for her. So he had given her an apologetic look and turned and followed Jack.

When they ran into Zeke and he brought out the woman with the bag over her head, then took it off to reveal Kate, that was when he realized he couldn't live without her. She had gone and followed them anyway, as he'd assumed she would, because once she set her mind to something there was no changing it. She was so much like him. He'd basically done the same damn thing earlier when Jack told him he shouldn't go because he was still on medication. But he didn't think she'd get herself captured. He was worried when Jack took his sweet time putting down his gun as Zeke threatened to shoot Kate. Finally Jack dropped the gun, then he and Locke did the same. Zeke threw Kate into his arms. _My arms, not Jack's_. He untied her and held her close as they watched the Others walk away. He planted a kiss on the top of her head, letting her know he was glad she was safe, before they started the trek back to their camp. Along the way, Kate tried to explain to Jack why she followed them, trying to get back into his good graces, but he wouldn't listen. _Stubborn Jackass_.

When she helped him with his shoulder exercises, that was just another excuse to touch him, he reasoned. He could tell she enjoyed it as much as he did, massaging his arm, reaching around from behind, pressing herself up against him. _Mmmmmm._ Even now in his sleep, it was if she was right there behind him in the same way, as if he could feel her there. He owed her for that.

Just like when she brought him a magazine from the hatch, then proceeded to read it to him since he had lost his glasses on the raft. _She'd do anything to be close to me_. He owed her for that.

But then he had conned Jack and Locke to get the guns. Well not just Jack and Locke, he conned everyone. Even her. He regretted having to involve her. But he honestly didn't think Jack and Locke were the best choice to have control of them. Both of them were unstable when it came to rationalizing. Jack would jump off the handle and grab a gun whenever he thought it might come in handy. He was afraid somebody would get shot someday. And John would play everything down, try to reason with people using words. He knew from experience that didn't always work either. Sometimes there has to be a middle of the road. He believed that was him. He just wanted to keep everyone safe. He wasn't really trying to make people hate him like she accused him of. And when he had told her he was glad _she_ didn't hate him, she confirmed by lack of response that she didn't. But he already knew that. He owed her for that.

It wasn't long before she came to him for a gun. She and Missy Claire were going into the jungle to find the French chick and some medicine for Baby Huey. She tried to act angry, but he could see through the façade and he saw her try to hide a slight smile when he put on the new dorky glasses he had found. He owed her for that.

He had Jack beat. At least he would have, maybe, if they had played another hand. _Just how did Metro learn to play poker so well?_ And she never did come back with that ruler. _We all know who would have been bigger_. He smiled now in his sleep.

She had stopped by when he was fixing up his shelter after it was destroyed when Hurley had flipped out on him. She teased him about it, but as she told him that it looked like he got his ass kicked, he could tell she was actually checking out his ass. _Yeah, she wants me_. He owed her for that.

In another excuse to be close to him, she helped him dig mussels on the shoreline. Until Dr. Giggles showed up that is. Then she was off to join Jack on the prisoner exchange hike. Left him there, alone, with his bucket of shellfish. But he knew how she hated it when she wasn't involved in all the island events, and that she was only going with him to get back in the loop. Problem was, she didn't come back to camp that night. And he had planned on cooking and sharing the mussels with her. As it turned out, Vincent got a good meal. And he started to realize how much he missed her when she wasn't around. He owed her for that.

But because the next day she still wasn't back, and because he missed her so damn much, and although everyone else could see it, he wouldn't admit it to anyone, especially to himself or to her, and because he thought he'd lost her to El Jacko, he'd really messed up big time when he let Ana-Lucia screw him out of his gun, literally _and_ metaphorically. It was with his gun that Michael had killed Ana-Lucia and Libby. Two more deaths on his conscience. Then she was back, tagging along with Jack and Locke, as they came to him for the guns. He'd refused to give up the guns. And he denied it, but she was _so_ in his head. He owed her for that.

And then he'd taken her with him to get the heroin so Jack could make Libby comfortable, knowing that his secret hiding place would be discovered, and he'd have to divide up the guns now. She had asked him how Ana got the gun and he said he didn't know, hoping she'd believe him. Inside his tent, he moved a piece of wreckage that had been covered with sand, revealing his stash. He'd surprised her that he'd kept it here all along, right underneath him.

After they took the heroin to Jack, who administered it to Libby, she woke up for a split second and then gasped for air and died, comfortably from the numbing abilities of the drug. Kate was sitting at the table, and he saw her break down and start sobbing uncontrollably. She almost never let her guard down and let her feelings show in this way. She was almost as bad at showing emotion as him. But when he saw her like that, he couldn't help feeling his own reserve falling away, and he slid onto the bench beside her and put his arm around her. He pulled her into him and held her tightly. She reached up and grabbed onto his arm as her head was buried in his chest and she wept insuppressible tears for what seemed like hours as he just sat there holding her and trying to comfort her, as well as himself. He tried to get over his guilt in the fact that neither Ana Lucia nor Libby would have been killed if he'd had more control over his urges. He never should have let Ana get his gun in the first place. Finally, her tears stopped flowing and he realized she had fallen asleep. He leaned his head back against the wall and he too was soon asleep, deep enough to not dream about this awful day. He owed her for that.

----------------------------------

Sawyer was awakened by the alarm. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! _Not again_. Then it stopped.

He heard footsteps coming toward the bed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Check back later to find out who's coming into the room. And Sawyer will find out three big revelations in the next chapter.**

**Please read and review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you to everyone who keeps reading and reviewing. It means a lot to me that you take the time to do that.**

**Ok, so in this chapter Sawyer finishes remembering everything that he and Kate have shared. As I was writing the memories, going episode by episode, I realized it's like a summary of all the Skate moments that have happened throughout the whole show, and there were a lot of times that it's obvious by their actions and they way they look at each other, even if they don't express it in words, that they are in love. I just hope the writers let them finally admit it to themselves, and to each other, in season 3. But since I don't own Lost or Sawyer or Kate, I can only make them say what I want them to say right here. **

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 6**

_Must be Jack coming to check on Kate_. He didn't feel like answering to him about why he was in bed with her, so he pretended to still be asleep. Then he opened one eye just a little so he could see what was happening. Jack lifted Kate's hand and took her pulse, felt her forehead, then pulled down the covers and opened her shirt to check on the bandages. When Sawyer saw him do that, he almost gave himself away. _If you weren't a doctor Jackass_…

Jack sat down beside the bed. He began to whisper. "You're doing better Kate. Fever's down. Your body temp's coming back up. Wound doesn't look infected. You have Sawyer to thank for getting you back here in time. I'm sorry I didn't believe you when you said he was a good person. He loves you, you know."

_What the hell? _Sawyer thought, as he kept pretending to be asleep. _Why would he think that?_

Jack continued speaking to Kate as if she were awake. "He said it, back when he was recovering from his bullet wound. He seemed to be unconscious, but he asked me where you were, and he said he loved you. He just really has a funny way of showing it sometimes. But he came through for you here. You're going to be fine, Kate."

Kate's eyes fluttered open for a split second, then closed again. "Sawyer," she whispered.

Before Sawyer could let her know that he heard her and that he was awake, Jack spoke up. "No Kate. It's me, Jack."

"Love you, Sawyer," Kate muttered. Sawyer had heard many women say that to him before, but none of them mattered. Under the covers, he squeezed her hand.

Jack sighed. He bowed his head, and then slowly got up and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

Sawyer thought about what Jack just said. Had he really told him that he loved her? Maybe he was delusional and didn't know what he was saying. Maybe he was just dreaming. But the more he thought about it, the more he knew it was true. He loved her. Kate. He had to finally admit it to himself. He couldn't deny it any longer. And now, her true feelings were confirmed also, not just his opinion of what he thought she felt. She had said she loved him. He snuggled up closer to her.

With this new information, the fact that she really did love him, he knew he was going to have to tell her about Ana Lucia. He didn't want to deceive her any longer and run the risk of her finding out another way. He knew she'll be mad when she finds out, that he'd thought with his little brain instead of his big one, and because of that, all these bad things had happened. But he knew she'll be even madder if she hears it from someone else...

------------------------------------------

He'd told Jack before the funeral. Just came right out and blatantly told him he'd screwed her. Hell, at that point he thought Jack had done the same with Kate "in a net". What did he have to lose? He thought she was gone, in a different way than Ana was, but gone, out of his reach just the same. He had thought that she'd fallen for the good doctor and that he'd never have a chance with her. He was prepared to give in, as he had all his life, to be the one who lost what he wanted the most in the world. He'd even called Jack a friend. And despite their differences, their attitudes, the fact that they seemed to despise each other, he really had a lot of respect for him. Jack, in fact, _was_ the closest thing to a friend that he'd ever had. He owed her for that.

At the funeral, he didn't want to say anything about Ana Lucia, because even after trekking across the island with her and sleeping with her, he didn't really know anything about her. It wouldn't have been right. Letting the doc talk about her, that was the best thing to do. He had just stood by her grave, alone. He could feel Kate's eyes on him. Even though he hadn't told her, he suspected she already knew what he'd done. He owed her for that.

During their trip across the island to get Walt back, he had found a doll on the ground. As he went to pick it up, Kate had stopped him, saying it was a trap. At that point, he found out that "caught in a net" really did mean caught in a net, and he was disappointed in himself that he had misconstrued Jack's explanation earlier. But inside, he was relieved to know that Kate still had her island virginity. He owed her for that.

Later when she confided in him, not Jack, that she knew they were being followed, he had backed her up when she started shooting at them. And he'd killed another man. One got away, and when she wanted to go after him, he was ready, but Jack stopped them. He explained the situation with Michael and that they had a plan. _Still should have gone after them_, he thought. Then after finding all the tubes and notebooks, the whispering began. He'd gotten shot with a dart, and as he was on the ground convulsing, the last thing he heard before he passed out was her shouting his name. He owed her for that.

When they were kneeling down on the pier, gagged and hands bound behind their backs, he heard her scream through the gag when he got kneed in the stomach. He owed her for that.

Before the bags were put on their heads, he and Kate had both looked at Jack for assurance that he had another plan to get them out of this. His first plan was that Sayid, Sun, and Jin were supposed to come for them, but because Michael had led them into a trap instead of to the Other's camp on the beach where Sayid was headed, the Three Musketeers had no idea where they were. So he and Kate had both hoped Jack had a backup plan. Of course, as it turned out, he didn't. So the escape wound up being up to Kate and himself to figure out. And who better to plan an escape than a conman and a fugitive? It hadn't turned out exactly as they planned either, but they were here now, and Kate was going to be alright. And she had said she loved him. He owed her for that.

--------------------------------------

Sawyer felt the bed moving and realized Kate was trying to sit up. He leaned over her. "Whoa there, Freckles. I don't think you should be moving around yet. But it sure is good to see you awake." His eyes sparkled and his dimples deepened as he smiled from ear to ear. He was elated that she seemed to be doing better already.

"I… I need…," Kate began, looking around, puzzled. "Where are we?"

"We're in the bunk bed, in the hatch," Sawyer explained.

"What… happened?"

"You were shot when we escaped from the Others. Do you remember anything?"

"I think so. You… carried me?"

"Sure did. All the way here. Didn't get lost either. I guess I can track better than you thought, huh?"

A small smile crossed her lips. "Thank you."

"Hey, no problem, Sweetheart. You did get a little heavy toward the end though. Maybe you better stop eating all those mangoes or you're gonna look like Hurley," he joked. Then, in a more serious tone, he said, "But I would have carried you even if you did look like the Stay Puff marshmallow man." Kate smiled again and Sawyer said, "Maybe I oughta go get Jack to inspect you now that you're awake."

"No, Sawyer, don't leave me," Kate said weakly. She reached over and held onto his arm.

"Ok, ok, I won't." Sawyer lay on his side, leaning up on his elbow. He reached over and entwined his fingers with hers, then leaned his head down and softly kissed her on the forehead. He spoke quietly, and even more seriously now, "Freckles, you mean more to me than anything." Expressing his feelings was one of the most difficult things he had ever done, but he had to learn to do it. "I don't know what I would have done if you had died. Ever since we crashed on this damn island, I have wanted you. And not just to get in your pants like everybody thinks. Sure, I want that too, but…"

Kate rolled her eyes. _He tries to be serious, but he has to get pervy anyway,_ she thought.

Sawyer continued, "But I want what I know we both want. A relationship. Someone to care about, who cares about me."

"Sawyer, I…," Kate began, "I have always… cared about you. I tried to show you, but you didn't see it. And I was… scared…. and confused. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't. I couldn't say… what I wanted to say. And I'm sorry." She looked so sad, like she was going to cry.

"Shhhh, Freckles, it's ok. I know, you run away from your feelings. And I hide mine. Maybe it's time we stop. Maybe that's why we've never had anything good happen to us. And I'm ready for somethin' good, ain't you, Freckles?"

She nodded and smiled. "Sawyer, there's something… I need to tell you." She took a deep breath and winced, as it caused pain from the bullet wound. Sawyer looked worried. "It's ok, I'm fine," she said, and continued, "I need to tell you… I kissed Jack."

Sawyer got a confused look on his face. "What? When?"

"When you were unconscious. I sat by you for 24 hours straight. Jack made me leave, to go out for food. I didn't want… to leave you. But he said I needed to get out for a while. Then I saw that black horse. I thought I was going crazy. When I came back in, for a while I was fine. Then something about you laying there… reminded me of my step-father Wayne… no, my _father_ Wayne. I got scared and ran. I ran into Jack. I was upset, crying. He held me, and I… I wanted to be a good person, like him."

Sawyer was listening intently, taking all this new information in. Kate continued, "The whole time we've been on the island, I've wanted you, Sawyer. But in my head, I wanted… to want _him_. I didn't want to want _you_. I thought… if I kissed him, it would clear up… my mind. So I did. Kiss him. And it did clear my mind, Sawyer. It made me realize that I didn't want _him_. That I did want _you_. And then I ran… away from him, and back to the hatch, back to you. And I told him later… that I was sorry I had kissed him. And I am sorry, Sawyer."

"Baby, you don't have to be sorry for that. I'm the one who… aw hell, I have something to tell you too." He dreaded what he was about to say, but he knew he had to say it, and he knew this was the perfect time to do so. "While you and Jacko were out in the jungle, looking to make your prisoner exchange, you were gone overnight. I thought you and the doc were… well, out there havin' a little private party. Anyway, I ran into Ana Lucia, she was wantin' a gun. Told her to go to hell, but she attacked me."

Kate was the one who looked confused now. "Don't look like that. You know she's strong and tough… uh, _was_ strong and tough. Anyway, she pulled me down, and she kissed me. Just like that, laid one on me." He threw his hands up in the air. "Well, a man's got needs, Freckles, and… you were… gone… off with the doc, and well… I guess you can figure out what happened, how she got my gun."

"Are you saying you slept with Ana Lucia?" Kate questioned.

Sawyer looked away. "I'm sorry, Freckles. I was pissed that you went off traipsin' around the jungle with Jack, doin' who knows what, and she was just there. I know I shouldn't have. I know now that there were a lot of times that it should have been obvious that you cared about me. But you never said it, and I was too stupid to see it."

"So you slept with her?"

"Yeah… I did," he admitted, and he quickly added, "But it wasn't nothin' romantic or anything. Just a quick screw… Sounds bad, I know. It was. And I'm sorry."

Kate looked at him, a hurt expression on her face. Then she smiled. "I knew, Sawyer. I already figured it out. I just wanted… you to tell me. I needed to hear it from you."

Sawyer wasn't totally surprised. He suspected that she might have known because she could read him so well. But he still asked her, "You knew? How? When?"

"It doesn't matter. And I'm not mad. Because I know I wasn't clear with… how I felt about you. And I do see how it could have seemed to you… that I was going after Jack. But I wasn't. All I wanted was you, Sawyer. All I've ever wanted… is you."

Sawyer looked at her and smiled. "Freckles, remember the time you asked me what I wanted?" She nodded. "And do you remember what I said?"

Again she nodded. "But tell me again anyway, because my response will be different. What do you want, Sawyer?"

He replied, as he had done the first time she asked him that question, "A kiss, from you, right now."

Kate looked at him, and this time instead of calling him disgusting, she slowly reached up and put her hand on the back of his head, and pulling him towards her, she met his lips with hers. _Damn, there's that electric shock again_, Sawyer thought. He opened his mouth as she opened hers, and their tongues collided hungrily, but only for a few seconds until Sawyer pulled away.

Kate looked hurt that he'd stopped. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Only thing wrong, Sweetheart, is you just got shot yesterday. Much as I want to keep doin' what we were doin', I don't think _you_ should keep doin' it right now. You need to get your strength back, and then we can continue where we left off." He added, with sincerity, "I want you, Freckles. And I don't ever want to hurt you again." He leaned down and kissed her gently, as the door opened and Jack walked in.

"I thought I heard voices in here," he said, walking over to the bed. He glanced at Sawyer lying next to Kate and scowled, then looked at her. "Kate. Glad to see you're awake." He took her pulse, and felt her forehead. "It feels like your fever's gone." As he began to open her shirt to check the wound, he noticed Sawyer watching him like a hawk. "Sawyer, I'm a doctor. I've seen these things before." He finished opening the buttons on her shirt and then lifted up the gauze bandage covering the stitches of the bullet wound. "Stitches look good too. There's no redness around them, and just a little swelling. I'll need you to take these antibiotics. You need them for a few days, just to make sure you don't get an infection. There's also a couple of pain pills so you won't be in too much agony." He handed her the pills and a glass of water. She reached over and took them.

"Thank you, Jack, for saving me," Kate said quietly.

Jack thought for a few seconds, contemplating, before he spoke. "I didn't save you. I just took out the bullet. You have Sawyer to thank for saving you. He got you back here in time."

Kate looked at Jack, then Sawyer, and smiled. Sawyer gladly returned the smile.

"Sawyer, can I speak to you for a minute, in private?" Jack asked.

Sawyer squeezed Kate's hand, then got up and followed Jack out of the bedroom area. He was still wearing only his boxers. Jack noticed and shook his head.

When they were out of earshot of Kate, Jack began, "She's healing a lot better than I expected. But she needs to keep rested. She can't be too active for a while, at least a week."

"Well then, I'll make sure _I'm_ the one swinging from the trees when we're havin' sex, Doc," Sawyer said sarcastically.

"Sawyer, I'm serious."

"So am I. I ain't gonna let anything happen to her again." Sawyer was dead serious about that.

"Good. Now, she needs to eat something, and so do you. No arguments this time. Rose is in the kitchen making some more soup. I'll bring it in when it's ready."

"Okay," said Sawyer. "And uh… thanks again, Doc." Damn, he was really softening up.

"Just doing my job," Jack said and walked off.

Sawyer turned and walked back into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Well, that's all for this chapter. Please review for me! Thanks!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed. **

**I still wish I owned Lost, especially Sawyer, but I don't. **

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 7**

As he walked toward the bed, he noticed Kate was not in it. His heart started beating rapidly as he looked around. "Kate!" he called. There was no answer. He didn't usually call her by her name unless he was mad or worried, and he wasn't mad now. He pulled all the covers off the bed, just to make sure she wasn't curled up under the covers. She wasn't. He called to her again, "Kate, where are you?"

Finally he heard a noise in the bathroom. As he approached the door, it opened and Kate slowly walked out. "What are you doin' up?" he asked, very concerned but relieved that he'd found her, as he reached for her arm to help her back to the bed.

"I had to _go_," she said.

"You couldn't have waited till I came back in?" Sawyer asked, but quickly added, "Oh, never mind. As long as you're ok. Come on, get back into bed." He helped her lie down. "Jack said Rose is makin' some soup for us. You need to eat something and get your strength back."

"I am kind of hungry. But I feel fine. I really do. Just a little bit of pain right here," she pointed to the spot a little above her right breast where the bullet had entered.

"Hmmm, I could check that out for ya if you want," Sawyer said in his sexiest voice, smiling seductively, as he sat down in the chair by the bed. Before Kate could give him a smart comeback, he added, "But seein' as how Jack said you need to take it easy, I better not go near your… uh… those." He motioned to her breasts.

"Sawyer, you are such a pervert," Kate said, smiling.

He grinned widely, showing his gorgeous dimples, "Yeah, I know."

Kate rolled her eyes, and Sawyer leaned down and kissed her softly and quickly. "Well," he said, "I guess I'll go check on that soup now. I want you up and around pronto. Be right back little lady." He knew Jack said he'd bring in the soup when it was ready, but he wanted some privacy with Kate and he didn't want the doc to have any excuse to come in and bother them.

"Hey Sawyer," Rose said when she saw him coming into the kitchen. "Soup'll be ready in about 5 minutes. Have a seat. I'm glad you and Kate are back. I heard you had a little trouble with the Others out there in the jungle."

Sawyer sat down at the table while he waited for the soup to be ready. Charlie had mentioned that Rose was easy to talk to, so he opened up to her about his time with the Others. "Damn people, kept us locked up, chained to a wall, for 3 days. I got no idea what they wanted us for. They never talked to us till they made Kate pick, either me or the doc. Didn't tell her what she was choosin' for either. She chose me and they let Jack go. Just like that. No explanation. Then they put us in a room that looked a 5 star hotel. All the comforts of home. Next mornin' we escaped. They shot Kate as we were running towards the door."

"Jack says she's going to be fine, and you know she's a fighter. I have faith. You have nothing to worry about. I do wonder what they wanted you two for though. They didn't say _anything_?"

"No, nothing. Well, after she got shot, they chased us out the door, and I heard one of them say somethin' like 'she's no good to us now'. You got any idea what that means?"

"That's tricky. It could mean a few things. From what Bernard said when they were on the other side of the island, there was a man, Goodwin, who was one of these 'Others', and he told Ana that they only wanted the 'good' people."

"Hell, Rose, I ain't no _good_ person and they took me. And Kate's a fugitive. I think they're a little confused about what's good and what's not."

"Now, Sawyer, you may not show your good side to everybody, but I know, deep down, there _is_ a good person in there. You've both done some good things since we've been on this island. I know you have your 'stash', and you fooled everyone when you managed to get all the guns, but you gave them back out when people needed them. And when Jack needed alcohol for Boone, you gave it up without a fuss. I also heard you rescued Michael from the water when your raft got blown up. And Kate, now she helped deliver Claire's baby, and went with her to find the medical hatch when Aaron was sick. She's been almost the only one who ever climbs the trees and picks fruit for everybody."

"Aahh, yeah, she's a monkey, gotta give her that," Sawyer replied.

"So what I'm getting at, is when push comes to shove, and something needs to be done, you both step up and you are both good people. But I really can't guess what these 'Others' wanted with you and Kate, or anyone else for that matter. None of us know what their purpose is. But just thank God that you all got out of there alive."

Sawyer looked down at the table and silently did that. Again.

Rose walked over to Sawyer with two bowls of soup, a box of Dharma crackers, and two bottles of water. "Here you go. Now take this in to your girl in there. "

Sawyer looked up at her, puzzled. _My girl?_

"What? Don't you think I've noticed how you look at her? And I've seen the way she looks at you. The way she hangs around you. Honey, that woman is in love with you and you don't even know it. Now get in there. Got to get her up and climbing those trees again."

Sawyer smiled and took the water, soup, and crackers and headed into the bedroom.

This time, Kate was right where he'd left her. He set the food down on the table.

"Well, finally. I thought you got lost," Kate said.

"Funny," Sawyer smirked. "Now, let's get you sitting up so you can eat this soup." He reached under her and leaned her forward a little and propped some pillows behind her. "There," he said releasing her. He sat down and picked up the soup bowl. He filled the spoon and held it to her lips.

"I can feed myself," Kate said.

"Well ok then, Miss Independent." He put the spoon back into the bowl and handed it to her.

She took it and as she tried to get the spoon to her mouth, she dripped some on her shirt. "Uh oh," Sawyer said sarcastically, "Looks like you missed."

She tried again but the soup kept dripping off the spoon. Sawyer held his hand out for the dish and she gave it back to him. "You win," she said to him.

"I always do when it comes to you, sweetheart."

He again filled the spoon and brought it to her lips. She opened her mouth and ate it. In fact, she had quickly cleaned up the whole bowlful. "Guess I was hungry," she smiled shyly.

Sawyer ate his soup also, then decided to get back up on the bed with Kate.

He reached around her and gently pulled her into a hug. "So you're not in much pain, huh?" he asked.

"No, not really. I would have expected more. But maybe it's the painkillers Jack gave me."

"Just let me know when they start wearin' off and I'll get him to give you more. I don't want to see you hurtin'."

Kate smiled. "Sawyer, you can be so sweet when you want to be."

He just held her, his arm around her shoulders, fingers running through her brunette curls as her head rested on his shoulder. So much was going through his head. Did she really love him as Rose had said? She'd said it in her sleep earlier, but she could have been delirious, or dreaming. Did she even know she had said it? When she woke up she had said she wanted him, and he her, but was that love? Or just lust? He needed to find out. He needed to know if there was a difference. All he knew was that he felt better than he ever had when he was around her, like he was complete. He hated it when they were apart, and all he did was think about her during those times. He wanted to protect her, keep her safe. He enjoyed their playfulness, and even their arguments. And right now, holding her like this, he could totally forget they were on some uncharted deserted island, surrounded by strangers and kidnappers.

"Did you hear me? Sawyer?" Kate asked.

He was brought out of his thoughts. "Huh? What?"

"You didn't hear a word I said, did you?" she questioned.

"Um, no..." He felt guilty. "So what were you sayin'?"

"I was trying to tell you something important. I think I had a dream while I was unconscious. I remember you were talking to me. Telling me things about when you were on the raft and the other side of the island. I dreamed that you didn't come back. I didn't know if you were dead or alive, and I missed you so much, Sawyer. The day before you left was not a good day. I said some things I didn't mean, and didn't say some things I wished I would have. We didn't really say goodbye. Did I ever tell you we found the bottle? The one with all the messages people wrote, that you took on the raft. I read them. I needed to see if you'd written one. But you didn't."

"You've read the only letter I ever wrote," he interrupted.

She continued, "And I felt like I had nothing left of you. We found the hatch, and investigating that kept me busy, and I talked to Sun and helped her in the garden a little while you were gone. But it was like a part of me was missing without you here. We haven't been here long, but when we're not together, it's like we're… broken… two halves of a whole, missing the other half. Sawyer, I think you are my other half. We understand each other, even without talking. I'm comfortable with you. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not. I've only had that with one other person in my life, and that was a long time ago. But I remember what it felt like, it's what it feels like with you. It feels like… like I love you, Sawyer. I really, really love you."

Sawyer just sat there, for once at a loss for words. Had she just read his mind, his thoughts? He'd wanted an answer and he got it. She loved him. _She_ _loves_ _me_, he thought. Now what was he going to do with the information, the truth? Could he tell her how he really felt? He'd already told her more than he ever told anyone before. He'd told her that he cared about her. In his heart he knew he loved her, but admitting it, out loud… that was something he wasn't sure he could do. Sure, he'd told some of his marks he loved them, but that was all part of the game, the con, to get them to willingly hand over their money to him. This was real, with real feelings, _his_ real feelings. He wasn't sure he could do it.

"Earth to Sawyer," Kate said, waving her hand back and forth in front of his eyes. "Hello? I just bared my soul and you're not even listening. Don't you have a response for me? Something? Anything? Seriously or sarcastically I'll take it. I know the king of the one-liners can't be out of jokes."

Finally he spoke. "Freckles, I got so many things to say I don't even know where to start." Then he got an idea. _This could work_, he thought. "Let's play 'I Never'."

"What? Sawyer…"

He reached over to the table and grabbed the two bottles of water. "No alcohol, so water'll have to do. I'll go first. "I never… rode a motorcycle." Kate took a sip of her water. Sawyer didn't. "Oooh, Harley mama!" Sawyer smirked.

Kate smiled and replied, "I never had a bicycle when I was a kid." Sawyer took a drink. Kate didn't.

"No bicycle?" he questioned.

"I lived in a small town. Walked everywhere."

"I never been handcuffed." They both drank, and smiled, noting the fact that this was another 'bad' thing they had in common.

They continued a few more rounds, then on one of Sawyer's turns, he said, "I never been in love."

"We did that last time, so you can't do it again," Kate said.

"It's my game, I can do it if I want to," Sawyer protested.

"But we already know the answers."

"Don't be too sure about that," he slowly drawled.

Kate rolled her eyes. "Ok, fine." She drank.

Then Sawyer opened his bottle, and drank. Kate looked confused, remembering the last time this statement was issued, when he didn't take a drink. Then it hit her. She realized what he was trying to tell her. What he couldn't bring himself to say with words. She looked into his eyes, and she could see it there. His eyes were filled with love. Love for her. She longed to hear it from his lips though, with his words. She wanted him to tell her. She needed to hear it. It would do him good too, to finally feel something and admit it to himself. Commit to it. So she played dumb. "Sawyer, are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Come on, Freckles, you ain't gonna make me say it are ya?"

"Yes, Sawyer, I am. I can see it in your eyes, how you feel, what you want to say, but think you can't bring yourself to say. I know you can do it because I did. It was the same for me. Just tell me how you feel. What is it that you want to say?"

"Freckles, you are so damn frustrating sometimes!" Then he became quiet. Kate waited. The seconds seemed like hours. Was he just going to sit there? He reached out and held both of her hands in his. _Better just say it and get it over with_, he thought. He'd held it in for too long, and there was no one else he wanted to say it to, no one else he'd ever be able to say it to. He spoke quietly. "I love you, Freckles. Kate. I love you, Kate."

She smiled. He was looking down at their hands, her fingers now entwined with his. It was like they were puzzle pieces, finally all put together. Sawyer unexpectedly felt relief flooding over him. Now that he'd said it out loud, to her, told her how he really felt, he felt relieved.

"I love you too… James," Kate answered. Although he'd never told her, she knew that was his name because Locke had used it a few times. She thought by saying it, it would bring out more of 'James'. She loved Sawyer, and she wanted to get to know James better.

There. It was out in the open. They both knew for sure how the other one felt. They were in love. No doubt about it. Sawyer leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips. He untangled his fingers from hers and reached around the back of her head to pull her closer to him, gently so as not to hurt the bullet wound. Their lips parted and their tongues caressed each other as Kate reached behind Sawyer and rubbed her hands up and down his back. He still hadn't put on a shirt and she loved feeling his skin beneath her fingertips. The kiss heated up while she rubbed his back, and he returned the favor by putting his hands underneath the back of her shirt.

"I want you Sawyer, right now," Kate whispered breathlessly as she came up for air in between kisses.

They continued kissing, but Sawyer again was the one who broke away before it went any further. "Freckles, we can't. You're still hurt. And Rose, or Jack, or anyone, could walk in anytime."

"I don't care. I have waited a long time for this. To feel this way again. I love you, and I want to show you how much."

"Oh baby, you don't know how much I want you to show me. But Freckles…Kate, not now," he said seriously. He thought it was good that he was able to show this much restraint. It was damn hard, but he was doing a good job of it. "When you're better, when Jacko says you can exert yourself, then we'll be able to do it like the bunnies in that book I've been readin'. But till then, you'll just have to control your… urges."

She smirked at him. "Very funny, Sawyer. But ok." She could understand his concern, and was glad that he was worried about her well-being.

"I love you, Freckles." He liked saying it now. _Damn, I'm getting better at this expressing feelings stuff. _

Kate smiled. "I love hearing you say that."

Sawyer's eyes brightened and a dimpled smile crossed his face. "Hey, I have an idea. A new game. Instead of 'I Never', it's called 'I Love'."

"And how do you play that?"

"Same way. Say 'I love', then finish the sentence. If you do love it, you drink, and if it's something you don't love, you don't drink."

"Ok," Kate said, "I'll go first. I love pizza."

They both took a drink of their water.

"I love to read."

Kate didn't drink. Sawyer did of course. "Never was much on books," she said. "I used to watch a lot of TV. Bad for me, I know. Um, ok, I love… airplanes."

Sawyer didn't drink. Kate did. "I know. We crashed, so how can I love airplanes, right? Well, if it wasn't for the plane crashing, I wouldn't have met you."

Sawyer smiled. "So you gonna tell me why you keep that little toy airplane with you all the time?"

Kate lowered her gaze so as not to look at him. She knew she'd have to tell him sooner or later anyway so she began. "It belonged to Tom, my best friend, my first boyfriend. The only man I ever loved." She smiled slightly and looked at him. "Till now." Then she looked away again. "He's dead. And it was my fault."

"I'm sorry," Sawyer said. He'd once told her that sorry didn't suit him, but what the hell, he'd been letting so much out today, so what's a little more going to hurt.

"I keep the plane, to remember what I've done. And to make sure I never do it again." Silence. "Your turn."

Sawyer took that to mean that she wasn't going to explain any further. Not now at least. And he wasn't going to pressure her. She'd tell him when she was ready. "Ok. I love dogs."

Kate drank, as did Sawyer. He explained, "I never had a dog when I was growin' up. But I would play with the neighbor's dog. It was one of those little yippy Mexican dogs, a Chihuahua or something. Couldn't stand him. He was always barking that wimpy bark, and he'd hump your leg if you stood still too long. But if we ever get off this damn island, I'm gettin' me a dog. A really big one."

Kate laughed. "Ok my turn. I love… watching you when you sleep."

Sawyer drank. He loved watching her when she slept, just as he loved any other time with her. Kate drank also and spoke, "When you were recovering from your gunshot, I sat by your bed, watching you sleeping. You looked so peaceful and happy."

"I love… the look in your eyes when we talk." They both drank to this. "I can see inside you. See your feelings. I always wanted to believe that we had a connection. But you kept shootin' me down. So I just blocked it out. Tried not to feel what I knew you were feelin' too. Tried not to feel anything."

"I know. I did the same thing. But we can feel everything now, Sawyer. My turn." She got closer to him, turned her face to his, and whispered in his ear, "I love… you." Then she put her lips to the bottle, turned it upside down and drank every last drop.

Sawyer did the same with his water before he whispered back to her, "I love you, too."

He owed her for that.

**The End**

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Well, that's it. I could have gone on, got her well, had them have sex… but you can tell that's where it's headed without me going into all of it. :)**

**Besides, I've been on vacation while I've been writing this, and I have to go back to work tomorrow, so I don't know when I'd get around to updating, so I figured it's best to end it now. Maybe I'll start a sequel sometime. Or a completely new story. If I do, it will definitely be about Sawyer!**

**I hope you've enjoyed my first fic and all the reviews are very much appreciated. Thank you!**

**SawyersGirl4Ever**


End file.
